Hair Pulling 101

I was going through some past experiences today looking for material to post, and I came to the following realization: There is a right way and a wrong way to pull someone's hair.

Thinking back on it, it seems that the people who know how to do it the right way come by it naturally, and the reason for that is that they like doing it for their own gratification. The people who suck at this are the ones who would never think this up on their own and are only doing it in an attempt to make the person who is having their hair pulled happy.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and postulate that most of the readers of this blog are likely to be talented hair-pullers happily yanking away at their partners' lovely locks. On the off-chance that any of you are not, let me take this opportunity to make a few suggestions. After all, if the whole point is only to make your partner happy, you'll want to do a good job at this right?

Basically there are two ways to pull hair correctly. The best way in my opinion is to grab hair in fistfulls as close to the scalp as you can. The closer your hand is to my head, the better. Alternatively, you can twist the hair around your hand a few times and then pull. Obviously this will only work on girls with really long hair. Most trendy hairstyles these days aren't long enough for this to be effective, and frankly, it's better the other way anyway. Do not grab my hair by the very very end of it and pull that way. For one thing, my hair is going to slip out of your hand if you don't get a better grip on it and for another thing, What the hell kind of pussy are you? Really. I should not be able to move my head around without you deliberately relaxing your wrist to allow it. Conversely, you should have enough control over my head to steer it wherever you want it to go.

Next up: you have to let go once in a while. Seriously. This is best for both you and me in the long run. First, if you have the proper grip and are pulling hard enough, your fingers are going to get tired and cramped. You need a rest. Second, if you are pulling on one spot on my head constantly for 20 minutes, my head is going to get numb and I won't feel it anymore. I will also have a splitting headache about a half hour later. I don't want a headache, and trust me, you don't want me around when I have one. Take breaks. Then do it again. It's in everyone's best interest.

Last and most importantly, never NEVER ask me if you are pulling too hard. Just pull my hair and shut the fuck up. You are defeating the whole purpose when you whine "Does this hurt? Do you want me to stop?" YES it hurts, dumbass, that is why I asked you to do it. And if I want you to stop, there's no need to ask because, trust me, you'll know. You'll know because I'll say something like "Not so hard" or "Cut that out" or "OW! WHAT THE FUCK????" If you don't hear something of that nature then you are not pulling too hard. Don't be such a pussy; it is not attractive. If I wanted a pussy I'd go fuck a girl, and I don't allow girls to pull my hair.

This concludes your brief tutorial in the art of erotic hair-pulling. Use this data wisely, grasshopper, and you shall reap many rewards.